There’s Beauty in My Brokenness

I thought of you today. I slid down into the tub with the water right at my nose. I emulate you drowning, my heart pounding, hope sinking, mind thinking of ways…to escape.

I thought of you today. I noticed in the mirror my panic ridden eyes searching for rescue. As a distraction I contemplate inaction, and retraction of all the pain that I have felt being inflicted upon me…by you.

I thought of you today. I extract myself rising just in time to inhale deep. I pulled myself in close, saying, dance with me, moving rhythmically as I sway and escape…my anxieties.

I thought of you today. I cried out for the wounded child in the woman’s body that stood before me. She looked perfect. But inside I could see a soul tattered, spirit battered, heart shattered by the many promises…broken.

I thought of you today. I wiped my face with the cloth still stained by my tears. I could not imagine how you could be smiling. The stench of the sweet grace you wear upon your face is actually disgrace…misplaced.

I thought of you today. Then suddenly I looked into my eyes and realized they were empty. But truthfully, you never took anything from me. It was my light that I gave to you…willingly.

I thought of you today. I realized that you have spent all of your time thinking of everyone, but me. I stood draped in ambiance hoping it would be your pleasure to measure me as a treasure but instead, you left me…hidden.

I thought of you today. And for once, self, you thought of me and reminded me that I am loved. An unfamiliar light was able to break through that place you left vulnerable. Piercingly it struck my face wrapped me in a warm embrace took me to a sheltered place…protected.

As I held me tenderly, in the safety of my arms I thought of you today.