The young caterpillar eats continuously as it outgrows and sheds its skin. It is a process some caterpillars may go through four or five times before it spins its cocoon to become a butterfly. As I filter through the many sheds I have experienced, it is ironic that today is the 16 year anniversary of the death of my father. I am an emotional mess as usual. Where I thought this pain was getting easier, I have realized that instead, it just lays dormant most days. How do you heal from an eternal hurt? I was very much the daddy’s girl. I would fish, and dig, and climb, and chop, and paint, and fix, and build, and anything that meant being with him. But none of that would allow me to be with him forever. It was his time. No matter how much we felt like it was too soon or unfair, it was his time. During my reflection, I came to understand within the process of losing my daddy, I was shedding. I had outgrown that soft protective layer of skin and it was time to grow.
Although I did not see it at the time, I was getting wiser, stronger, and most importantly, braver. I learned the importance of my voice. It was not some major ah hah moment. It was more so a quiet, tiny change that had a very loud and large impact. Prior to having to be the person to handle the business of things, I was passive, soft even. Passive in ways that often allowed me to be taken advantage of by people who did not mean me well. Because I had to make decisions about my father’s care, I was forced to be vocal about what we wanted and didn’t want. I did not leave it to the hope that people would do the right thing. I stood up for him, and for us as a family. The caterpillar does not realize that the constant intake of tiny bits is helping it to grow and ultimately change. It just eats as it moves forward and then one day it has gotten too big for the skin it’s in.
This shed has taught me that my voice is MINE. It will not be silenced because someone does not like what they hear. It is just as much a choice to listen, as it is to speak. READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN! When you choose to speak your hopes, desires, likes, or dislikes to someone, it is their choice to listen or not. However, you cannot allow their choice to silence your voice. Have you ever come across someone in your life that you know doesn’t listen to you? So, instead of feeling like you are not heard, you decide to not even bother telling them anything. Here’s the thing, deciding to not talk to them or share information with them does not hurt them. It hurts you. Why? because not sharing your voice is silencing you and slowing your shed. The reason babies are encouraged to babble and make sounds is so that their lungs and vocal cords get stronger. Though we don’t always listen, they never stop making sounds. Eventually, they form words, and learn to string those words together. They are shedding, and we only noticed the tiny changes that made it possible. We did not see the entire process that was happening inside.
The lesson in this…it is important to grow. If you do not grow, you will never be strong enough to spin your cocoon and become a butterfly.
Continue to shed…until next time. Please feel free to leave a comment.
Teliah Octavia 